Thoughts on This and That

As a regular user of the internet, and a Rugby League fan, I’ve heard more than my fair share of conspiracy theories in my time, whether it be about 9/11, the deaths of “celebrities” or the challenge cup draw but, on the bus home from Tesco today, I think I heard one that takes the biscuit.

As I took my seat opposite an elderly bloke he commented on the, continuingly, crap weather. I mumbled an agreement, not wanting to get into conversation but that was enough for the bloke to seize the opportunity - “it doesn’t surprise me really, what with the increases in gas and electric, they know we’ll have to keep our heating on more so they’ve cooked it up between them that it stays like this.”

So, there you have it, the cold and wet weather that seems to have lasted forever is due to the oil and gas companies conspiring with nature. Thinking about it, there probably is no other explanation.

Last night I somehow managed to trap a nerve in my right shoulder, not sure exactly how it happened, but my tendency to sleep on my right arm probably hasn’t helped. Subsequently I’m in agony every time I move my right side, even after continually popping pain-killers all day!

Surfing the net is a pain, I can’t hold a book for too long so I can’t really read and I certainly can’t do much in the way of exercise - it’s not all bad though, my left handed typing skills are coming on a treat, it’s only taken me 10 minutes and 3 drafts to complete this little entry.

Who knows where it could all lead?

That was the song wasn’t it?

While feeling a little hungover after birthday celebrations in a Warsaw park a year ago I wrote in my little notebook three goals for the year ahead, they were…

1 - Make a proper effort to learn Spanish properly

2 - Likewise, but with the guitar

3 - Get a decent job, or at least one with decent prospects.

Needless to say, I have failed miserably.

I’ll do the same again this year, but I’ll restrict it to 2 targets…

1 - As 1 above

2 - Not to be in the country on my birthday next year.

Hopefully I’ll have more success this time!

OK, the content is probably tedious, but you can’t argue with the title, or the sentiment!

http://hmrcisshite.blogspot.com

Viewers complain about too much Rugby Union on the beeb.

Quite right too, even more scandalous is the vast amounts of our money they squander on the rights for the 6 Nations with no competition, making it the most expensive program per viewer on the box.

I’m sure they’ll respond to the public’s concerns next time the renewal comes up, honest!

It’s today been announced that oral examinations in GCSE language courses are set to be scrapped, meaning the youth of today could soon achieve qualifications in languages that they can’t even speak.

Of course, the oral exams are the hardest part for most learners, but removing them because they “cause stress” is absolutely ridiculous, shouldn’t education be preparing kids for life?

Looks like HMRC are doing something right for a change.

It’s almost enough to make me wish I still worked for them, almost.

So, we have a new Prime Minister - will it make any difference whatsoever? I highly doubt it. Rumours abound that Brown may look to cash in on the initial upsurge in support for Labour by calling an early election, would it make any difference if they lost power to the Conservatives? I highly doubt it.

Economically the politics of the so-called right have won and socially it seems the same can be said of the left, even though this particular government does have some very authoritarian urges, in these circumstances - and given the fact that one of only Labour or the Conservatives are realistically going to win an election I’m finding it hard to get bothered in any way, shape or form.

Thanks to John D, who himself was tagged by JerryChicken, for this great honour. Apparently I have to now state ten interesting things about myself, which is much easier said than done. I probably could come up with ten things, but I’m a very shy person and, knowing who reads this thing, there are lots of things I don’t like to talk about, so you’ll have to make do with this lot instead, I apologise in advance for boring you!

1 - If things had worked out for me as planned, I’d now be in Melbourne with a fairly decent job living with a very nice girl. Unfortunately shit happens, so I’m not, and now I don’t have a clue what to do with myself - having never really been able to formulate any clear plans for my life and just stumbling into things.

2- By the time I left my last job working in the tax office I absolutely hated the place, and what it was doing to me. After spending the last four weeks since I got back from Spain looking and applying for jobs with little success or encouragement I’d actually happily go back to it.

3 - I have a high degree of musical talent - I am a world record holding maraca shaker, and was once invited to play the harmonica on stage with a band at Bradford Rio. I have also written the lyrics to a song for a friends band in Hull (which he subsequently performed).

I’m already struggling with this.

4 - I’m allergic to lipstick, I trust this information will ease the broken hearts and minds of the numerous girls I have declined the opportunity to kiss over the years.

5 - I used to be addicted to chewing gum, and could often get through eight or nine packets a day, one day I just stopped cold turkey - and I am now able to enjoy the stuff every now and then in reasonable quantities.

It’s getting really trivial now isn’t it?

6 - Doctor Who saved my life, well sort of, I was at a Guillemots gig last April in the Manchester University Students Union and someone decided to spike my drink. All I remember is suddenly feeling exceedingly hot and dizzy, and making my way out of the venue towards the toilets. The next thing I know I was laid on the floor of the corridor opening my eyes to be greeted by the sight of former Doctor Who Christopher Ecclestone, who helped me outside and sat with me until I came round properly.

7 - When I was seven years old I fell 20 feet from my bedroom window onto the garden path while attempting to retrieve a tennis ball that had got stuck in the guttering using a sweeping brush. My sister apparently ran downstairs shouting “Asim’s dead, Asim’s dead” however I was merely unconcious, and the only evidence now is a small scar on my chin - well, that and the brain damage.

8 - I am currently writing a book, despite numerous ideas it neither has a title or a plot, and, if ever finished, will possibly the worst book ever written. I think the only reason I am writing it is so I can tell people that I am a writer, which I’ve found to be an extremely successful “in” when meeting new people.

I’m struggling now.

9 - When I was twelve years old I stole a pound from a friends bedroom. It is the only time I have ever done anything like that and this is the first time I have admitted it to anyone, I still feel ashamed of my actions and, if Daniel Wallis happens to be reading this, please get in touch and you can have it back.

10 - I have a bad habit of telling little white lies when meeting new people. Why, I’m not entirely sure, and half of the time the things I come up with actually make me look bad. I very very rarely lie about anything important, or to friends and family, but the amount of bullshit I am able to pass off to people at times scares me. My most successful lie has to be the time I introduced myself to folk in a hostel in Berlin as Charlie, a guitarist in a band who, having woken up one day with his ability to play lost, was travelling with the aim of getting over this mental block.

I managed to keep up the pretence for five days which included bluffing my way through conversations with actual guitarists, and being taken out to a show, then dinner and drinks by people from a touring theatre group who were amazingly sympathetic to my plight!

So there you have it, if you have made it this far please accept my apologies for wasting your time, I’m going to see if Alexis will carry this thing on!

Having spent a fair amount of time watching BBC parliament online recently I’ve finally decided that I should pursue a career in politics, ultimately becoming an MP.

If I can just find a burning local issue somewhere, and run with it, I should be able to get at least one term of turning up to parliament and either sleeping, or cheering/jeering the person speaking while sitting on a nice padded seat. While employing someone back in the constituency to deal with the trivial day to day matters of my public, while spending my £60,277 salary and making use of my expenses allowance.